December 3, 2010

By Doris Gvillo

            If you have been reading this column you will know that for many years I have been both a member and often an officer in the International Hospitality Program working with international students who study at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville.

            For someone who has only traveled in the United States and a time or two to Canada, my view of the world was pretty fuzzy.

            Through these students who live in many different countries all around the world, my eyes have been opened to different styles of government, religions, and, of course, cultures.

            The very first student Bill and I hosted came from Pakistan but had been living in Norway for a year or so.  We met him at the airport in St. Louis.  First, we had stopped to pick up a student from his country who already was studying here.  I still remember the drive back to our farm.  Remember these two young men were Muslim and pork was a definite ‘no no’.  But we raised hogs on our farm.  Of course there were beef cattle and sheep, but all I could think of was ‘pork’.  I recall Saleem saying to Haris (our new student), “If she asks if you are hungry, say Yes."  They don’t ask a lot of times and while at home guests refuse even if hungry, until the second or probably third time, here is you say No, they might not ask again.”

            I was further shocked when a few years later, Haris married his wife…and yes, it was an arranged marriage.  In my mind, such marriages couldn’t possibly work, but in the almost forty years I’ve hosted students, I know that they do work.  I just don’t know how or why.

            I’ve met and personally hosted students from Lesoto, Ethiopia and Kenya in Africa.  Other countries were Iran, Syria, Turkey, France, Norway, Oman and Germany.  Add to that Taiwan, China, Nepal, India and Pakistan.  I’ve also met others from Malaysia, the Philippines, and I’m sure I’m forgetting some.

            I’ve cooked lots of meals, attended weddings, visited new brides, been with a couple at birth of their baby, mourned with them the loss of a loved one back home, attended more graduation ceremonies than I could count and had the chance to interact with many, many delightful young folks.

            Why am I relating all of this to you?  Because I sometimes am frightened at the bitterness and hate that seems to occur between people of different beliefs.  I hold fast to my loyalty to my country and am thankful that I am blessed to be a citizen here.  I also cling to my faith as a Christian but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind and considerate of those with different views.

            I know that in the book of Peter when one reads,  “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling” it is probably speaking about disagreements between the early Christians and their interaction with each other.  But, in something I read a few months back, the author spoke about ‘hospitality’.  The suggested Bible readings included 1 Peter but also several others.

            Remember in Matthew where it says, “I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you took me in.”  To me it implies doing this to another human being and not asking first, “Are you just like me?”

            The book of Romans suggests “Take care of God’s needy people and welcome strangers into your home.”

            I know that in our society we aren’t going to invite just anybody into our home because of the violence that exists.  But there are ways in which we can help the lonely, hungry and homeless.

            And still one more verse from scripture…”Do not neglect to show hospitality; by doing this, some have entertained angels unaware.”

            In these many years, I’ve worn a sari, a chalwar, khamiz, and dupata.  I’ve learned to eat very hot and spicy food.  In our prime, Bill and I moved students from place to place and hauled and stored furniture donated for student’s use.  I can still store donated items and do on occasion.  I have learned to care about these young people whose customs, culture and religion are different from mine. 

            I recall one long ago holiday dinner.  Several students helped me cook.  Our home was small but we had some tables in the basement also and about fifty folks came.  We put the food on a table to serve buffet style.  I wanted the young men to fill their plates and move on so others could fill their plate.  I asked Razi how I could do that politely and he said he’d take care of it.  His method consisted of clapping his hands and saying, “Okay you guys, fill your plate and move so the rest of us can eat.”  So much for tact, but it worked.

            This whole article derived when I read something in a devotional about being kind to strangers.  It quoted a writer named Henri Nouwen who spoke about reaching out to those we meet on our life’s journey.  He suggests that those who may be estranged from their culture, country, friends, family and even from God may be waiting for us to reach out.  He wrote, “Hospitality, therefore, means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy.”

            I don’t know about you, but I’d rather make a friend than an enemy.  Heaven only knows that if we listen to our news, the world is a violent and unfriendly place where people not only mistrust others but also even express hate and violence towards each other.

            I wish I knew the answer to the problem.  I don’t.  But I do know that in my mind the hospitality that our scriptures speak of entails being ‘kind and respectful’ of differences.

            I will close with another quote from the article I read.  “Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place.”