I’m going to venture a guess and say that most all of us at one time or another have had an argument or at least a disagreement with another person.

Sometimes these incidents are resolved in a few minutes but, perhaps, the argument becomes louder and words spoken become sharper and more inclined to hurt.

Even after time passes and we assume all is well again, there is often a tinge of anger or hurt that lives on and doesn’t take much of a spark to reignite.

Once again I’ll have to admit that I really hadn’t thought too much about this concept til reading something another person had written.

Perhaps constant bickering never seemed a part of my life because I was raised by parents who honestly rarely argued. I can’t recall hearing them argue at all, but I’m sure they didn’t always agree. However, they never let it influence their behavior in front of others or me.

They were not the type to hold a grudge and I suppose I was fortunate indeed to marry someone very much like them. Bill and I didn’t always agree but I don’t recall arguing where shouting and name-calling occurred. And I can vouch for the fact that grudges weren’t held and rehashed at intervals to keep the anger alive.

I guess I was intrigued by the piece I read because of the fact that it detailed a conversation between friends. One of the friends was relating an argument he had with someone else and sharing all the things another had said. In the course of the conversation many tidbits were disclosed about what someone else said and did and how that hurt and angered the person relating, with relish, this argument.

The person who was listening to this recital of the things done ‘to’ and said ‘to’ the one relating the tale finally asked, “What did you say or do?”

You can imagine the horror of being asked this question. It wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything. Why are you asking me this? The other person is the problem…not me.

Does anything about this seem familiar? I’d guess it would or at least it should.

I know when I have felt angry and stymied and shared this with a friend, I am totally focused on what the other person involved in the dispute said or did. I am not at all focusing on my behavior. What a question to ask? What did I do? Me?

I think most of us rarely stop to think about the disagreement in terms of …”It takes two individuals neither of whom is perfect before the argument can ensue.”

And when the argument ends, we often want to be crowned ‘the winner’ when in reality no one really wins because angry words said leave behind pain and hurt.

In the midst or an argument, most of us are busy thinking up things to say and getting our ‘views’ enumerated loudly and clearly.

But…are we ever ‘listening’ to the other person or are we so busy with our own thoughts that we forget to ‘listen’.

I would surmise that it is the failure to listen that causes most arguments. At least, it causes them to grow in bitterness.

The article I read suggested that we ‘listen’ before we ‘react’ and try hard to ‘understand’ before we begin to ‘defend’. Does that make sense to you? It does to me.

I’ve never liked arguments. I find it hard to understand that families are divided for years and pain lives on and on. I wish I had answers to all those problems…I don’t.

Nations go to war, neighbors stop talking, friendships are broken, and often families destroyed because of ‘differences’ that grow into mistrust, and sometimes even ‘hate’.

I remember my mother telling we children when we fussed, ‘Play nice now’.

If only life were simple like that.

But I for one am going to try hard to follow the advice…”Listen before reacting” and trying to “Understand before I defend”.

If we can’t find peace in our personal lives, how can we ever hope to find peace in the world? We pray for peace, but somehow we need to find the way to incorporate that behavior into our individual lives. And it won’t always be easy…but then again somehow our God gives us strength, guidance and wisdom to overcome if we but ask.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.” I can assure you that is what I’d rather be called than some of the other names I’ve heard bandied about.

Peace among individuals is possible if we listen, understand, and I’d add